I need an adult!

There are people fighting so loudly on the metro platform I could hear it from inside the train, before we even pulled into the station.

o_____O

Please make no mention ever of dollar amounts on facebook ever. Did I say ever?

“I can’t believe the cat’s highlights cost $toomuch!” = Humblebragging.

“Check out my new stupid whatever!” = Blatant bragging.

Or, for the visual learners out there:

&

No one needs to know, wants to know, or has a spare shit to give about how much you spent on anything. It’s just more judgement fodder so stop. 

1. Notice gut overhang
2. God, self. Get it together.
3. Eat mindfully, exercise, feel accomplished
4. Clothes feel a little loose
5. Huzzah! I deserve a treat!
6. A treat = enough food to fill a flatbed, usually consumed over a weekend
7. Repeat steps 1-7 until my last breath

pullmyfoamfinger asked: I used to drink my coffee with milk too but am now a convert to black coffee (for about six years now). How did I ease myself in to it? Flavored coffee. Those coffees you see that are caramel swirl, french vanilla, cinnamon bun, etc? They're your best friend. The smell is where the flavor is but it will trick you in to drinking the coffee black and then you can ease yourself in to the regular black stuff. Also, black iced coffee is a gift from the gods. Hope this helps.

Sage advice for all my fellow weaners. 

staygoldenkeeks asked: Hey hey! I was wondering how you're coming along with liking your coffee black? Have you come up with any creative ways into making it seem like there's tons of cream and sugar in it when there's not? I desperately need to stop my gallon o'cream and sugars.

It’s coming along, I’m drinking a cup of black right now! I can’t say I love it yet, some days are better than others. 

• No, I am not creative. I just pour, suck it up, drink
• I never add sugar in the first place so I had a leg up - even when I order a latte, I either get soy milk alone (already has faint vanilla flavor) or ONE pump of syrup. I don’t know how many is the usual but the day I forgot to specify less made me prediabetic. 
• There’s oddly no middle ground - I prefer either NO milk or a latte. Adding a splash brings out a weird thin texture and flavor. Maybe I’m imagining it I don’t know i just don’t care for it. 
• Still thinking about that french toast coffee I got at Bruegger’s….I actually did enjoy that straight up. 
• Which poses another problem - liking/drinking flavored coffee is still not liking coffee for coffee, and I’m not thrilled about drinking all that fake stuff.
• Baby steps - I bought a pound of the new blonde roast from Starbucks because  everyone gives me gift cards for the holidays. I like it better than more intense roasts so far, but what everyone keeps saying about Starbucks being good at making coffee drinks but having pretty terrible actual coffee? True. I will not cheap out next time.
• I’ve found no matter what, the coffee needs to be HOT. Once it cools down to lukewarm I can’t be bothered to try. Gross. 

reallykatie:

joaniepepperoni:

If I go to class after the gym tomorrow do you think people will think “oh, what a cool girl who just exercised and is sexy” or “why does that girl look like she just gave birth?” ?

that is a frighteningly accurate description of what i look like post-workout. i don’t know how i never realized it til now.

Laughing so I don’t cry. I’m incapable of not looking like a sweaty warthog during/after exercise.
Those women who work out, dab their brow lightly, shake their hair out, then change into business caj and go back to the office can eat shit and die.

Shining the turd that is Monday

Successfully used this gif in a work email. 

Being rude to people you work with doesn’t get results.

Being rude to people you work with doesn’t get results.