I need an adult!

May 12

😎😎😎

Culinary Shit List

Hungry Girl - just substitute literally every ingredient in this dish you know and love, and you’ll have a processed thing that tastes like plastic for only 12 calories!
Sandra Lee - opening boxes of things and emptying them into a larger thing is not a skill and neither is crafting pitchers filled with vodka and sugar
The Neelys - I don’t want to have to worry about whether you’ll mount one another while I learn how to make a proper potato salad
Rocco DiSpirito - I liked you more when you were just that douche from The Restaurant…that’s saying something
Paula and Bobbeh Deen - butter is wonderful and delicious, but after a certain point you’re just being gross, and subtracting one stick from the recipe doesn’t mean you can then be labeled a healthy chef

Food Follow Up: 5/06 Menu

Fancy mac - Previously eaten/reviewed 8,027 times, including here. This recipe is an American hero.

Chicken taco bowls - Previously reviewed here, though now that I do have a slow cooker at my disposal it’s even easier. So amazing and simple, the fact that it’s crazy cheap to throw together is just icing.

Spring soba noodle salad - Not impressed. It wasn’t gross because none of the ingredients are gross, but it certainly didn’t taste like much. Moving on.

Cucumber & napa cabbage slaw - So bland one bite made the soba noodles taste like fireworks. I imagined refreshing with a ton of crunch and citrus, but it was just watery and disappointing.

Treat yoself Sunday (plus a fridge filter yay being old with appliances to take care of).

May 10

Straight up, it’s no fucks Friday and I would murder a some hot dogs right now.

May 9

Is there any nectar sweeter than fountain gingerale?

That’s a rhetorical question because no there fucking isn’t.

May 8

temporalwalker:

sapphirebones:

jaacknasty:

~~Probably~~ the best 6 seconds ever.

i fucking lost it

I will never not reblog this

(via valerina)

the-vashta-nerada:

so yeah did you guys hear about the ceo of abercrombie and fitch who said that he doesn’t want ugly chicks wearing his clothing

like excuse you ceo of abercrombie and fitch

you look like gary busey went bobbing for apples in a tub of bees

you couldn’t wear your own clothing

That last bit x_____x

(via retrotrash)

Ten years is a long time to not kill a person.

Love you, Micah.

May 7

No excuse for how hard I’m laughing at this.

(via retrotrash)

Sweet fried dough balls #graffiato

gpoy walking around downtown…gon be a LONG summer guys.

More Things I Bought & Loved

Yes to Blueberries Facial Towelettes: I bow down to whomever it was that first recommended these, but jeahjeahjeah they’re fabulous. Not worth a damn removing my mascara, but leave the rest of my face feeling super clean and bright, which has NOT been my experience with other wipes (why do they all deposit a film? ew.). A savior on nights I’m so tired I can’t even flail water onto my face.
Primrose oil supplements: I think I originally saw it on pinterest, but I was sucked right on in by claims of these things regulating hormonal acne. If you’re me and your entire jawline is a warzone on a monthly basis, you would bathe in cat piss if someone promised it would help. Anything to make it go away. I didn’t expect miracles but I have to say, I’ve taken one pill each morning since February and have gotten ZERO HURTIE PIMPLES since mid-March. The medication my dermatologist prescribed to do that exact thing couldn’t, so bye. Holistic solutions 4lyfe.
Dial Coconut Water Bar Soap: I prefer bar soap to cut down on plastic/garbage but beyond that have never been picky about body washing things. The combo of coconuts and this being super cheap at the store (way less than schiesty amazon…) meant into the cart it went. I love it! Smells amazing, lasts a long time, and rinses completely clean.
Trader Joe’s coffee: There are a bunch of varieties, so different strokes for different folks and whatnot, but I just need y’all to know it’s high quality and a crazy value. I think a canister cost me like $7 and it kicks Starbucks and Caribou square in the crotchal region.

May 6

This onion is big #spikeforscale #steroidalcostcoproduce

Working out in the early morning makes me feel like the most productive person alive…..

….except then I also feel I do not have to do anything for the rest of the day.